Valentine’s Day is on the horizon, so I thought I’d talk about what I learned from dating, and how I ended up married to someone I couldn’t be happier with. Everyone throws their dating advice into the ring (there are 1000’s of articles about it), but I have a couple simple tips that anyone can follow, and they helped me to find not just a wife, but a wife that I can’t imagine living without.
We truly love each other for exactly who the other is, and we’ve made it through rough times together unscathed. From living in a $500/month apartment with a mouse, to both of us working together at home, 6 days a week, with a 2 year old toddler and a two week old baby, we’re rock solid.
So, what’s the secret?
1. Be Yourself
It’s incredibly simple, but so few people really do it. Most people aren’t confident enough in themselves to show their REAL, 100% self to other people, especially those they find attractive. Instead they try to portray themselves as what they perceive is better than themselves, or what they think others would find more attractive.
Maybe they act like the have more money, are cleaner than they normally are, dress better, or are interested in things they really aren’t. In every case they’re portraying themselves to be someone they aren’t.
This may be a good tactic to pick up someone at the bar or to get a date, but in the end you’re selling someone that isn’t you. What happens 3 months to a year later when piece by piece they uncover the real you?
For long-term relationships, AKA marriage, you’re much better off showing the less well dressed, less rich, less super human you, because if you want your partner to love you, they have to truly know who YOU are.
If they aren’t going to fall for the real you up-front, why waste your time trying to trick them into thinking you’re good enough.
2. Give Them Space
This follows hand-in-hand with #1. If you want to give a relationship the chance to turn into a long-term one, you have to give your partner space. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try to hang out often. I’m referring to being overly concerned about what your partner does when they’re not with you. I’ve seen a lot of people who get anxious when their girlfriend or boyfriend does something as simple as not immediately responding to text messages or not calling them while they’re out for drinks.
The concern is that maybe they’ll find someone else, cheat, or even that it could be a sign they’re losing interest in the relationship. It’s a perfectly legitimate concern, BUT in the sense of finding someone who is a great match for you, you’re better off having them show their true colors as early in the relationship as possible. That’s why my dating philosophy was give them as much freedom as possible. If they truly wanted to be with me, they would, and if they ended up cheating or finding someone else, it was actually a good thing….. they weren’t the one for me.
With all of that said, I feel extremely lucky that I found someone that truly feels like my other half, and I hope these tips can help some others find theirs as well.
They’re simple, but they’ve served me very well 🙂